One of my pet peeves personally and professionally both as a hypnotherapist and as a man is when people try to invalidate other people's realities and accuse them of things guilt trip them, annoy them -- just make their life difficult for simply being who they are.
I start with the premise that no matter what the other person does or says -- it's their life and their choice to live it the way they want to live it -- and allow everybody to do the same.
I had someone accuse me lately of not answering or me not doing what I wanted them to do. Let me be very direct about this -- we don't owe anybody anything.
Unless it's your child or aging parent (some would even disagree there) -- we are free to live out life the way we want to.
And yet some people -- want to make you feel like you owe them something, they want to make you feel guilty that you're not saying "yes" to whatever the heck they want you to do.
Let me be very very direct about this too -- you owe them -- NOTHING. In fact, I go out of my way to make sure that I don't have any people around me that have a tendency to accuse me or guilt trip me when I'm not doing what they want me to do.
You have a right to be late answering somebody's texts or not answer at all -- and offer no explanations for it.
You have a right to say "no" to anything and if the other person wants to guilt trip you, attack you or accuse you for it -- THEY are the problem, not you.
Your real friends want what's best for you, not for them. Your real friends want you stop say "no" to anything that makes you uncomfortable because they want you to do what's right for YOU, not what's right for them.
A friend who is there as long as you say "yes" to them while disregarding what you need -- that's not a friend. That's some kind of negative control thing, some kind of manipulation thing. I don't know what it is and I don't care that much but I don't want it around me.
Be around people who make you feel free, not people who try to chain you down.
You are FREE to do what you want to do and to be ANYTHING you want to be.
Saying "no" is a part of that. As a society we have become too focused and obsessed with "yes". "Yes" doesn't have much magic if we're not discerning about it, that means we have to honor our "no" as much as we honor our yes -- the same goes for others.
I can totally understand how someone can feel rejected if someone says "no" to them. But that's, hypnotically speaking, bad programming, it's a bad script. It's immaturity. Owning that and growing is a part of our journey.
Adults that won't do that -- don't be on their string, it's their responsibility to grow and accept the fact that other people will say "no" to them and do things they may not approve of and it's nothing personal. If they take it personally -- their problem, not yours.
I feel very passionate about making everyone realize they are free to live their life as they please and they can feel great about saying "no", and they don't owe anyone an explanation.
Live your truth. believe in yourself, real friends encourage "no" as much as they encourage "yes".
I remember I had someone not show up to my birthday because they had work to do and she said: "I'm sorry, I will make it up to you."
There's nothing to make up! Other people's life is not centered on my social life and that's normal and acceptable. Doing what's right for you at any time is the right thing to do and if someone doesn't answer me -- I just figure they are busy.
It's not about me.
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